The Hostage
by MMGHawaii
Summary: Steve learns valuable life lessons from an unusual source after a hostage situation goes bad.
1. Chapter 1 The Hostage

Chapter 1 The Hostage

Seems like everything was going wrong with this hostage situation….

Anderson was holed up in a convenience store with 6 hostages, 2 of them children. The SWAT team was on site, McGarrett was barking orders, but everything was chaotic in those first minutes. Steve was trying to establish what had already been done, who had talked with him, how this came about , what he wanted and so on. Before McGarrett had his answers, Anderson was contacting him on his car radio, via a phone patch from Central.

"Hey, copper, better listen to me, NOW!"

"Ok, buddy, this is Steve McGarrett of Hawaii- Five-O. What's going on here?"

"I've got 6 hostages here and will blow them to bits if I don't get what I want….a car with a tank full of gas, a small plane with pilot waiting at the airport, free clearance out of here, no one following me, no tricks, no questions asked! Got that?"

"Yeah, I got it… look, I need to verify that the hostages are safe and well."

"Forget it, McGarrett… just get what I want…"

Steve decided to take a bit and try to asses things. The fellow seemed fairly unstable, emotional, upset. Not good. At this point they didn't even have a name…. Steve called him back and dialogued with him some, tried to build a relationship, to understand more… It was working to some degree.

Suddenly, from the corner of his eye, he saw a local security guard begin to make his way to the store entrance…. He tried to warn him back, this was totally unauthorized. In an attempt to stop the guard, Steve moved out from his position of safety behind the large car. Anderson suddenly noticed the guard and McGarrett. The guard, quite close to the door, was shot down and killed quickly and efficiently. Almost at the same time, rounds were fired towards McGarrett who was unlucky enough to catch a round in the thigh. Pulled back to safety by Danno and Duke, a VERY angry Anderson was on the radio!

"McGarrett, that was DUMB DUMB DUMB! Your man is dead! HIS fault. No one was supposed to come near here!"

Steve lay hurting and bleeding. Immediate first aid was applied, as he tried to figure out what had happened. Reaching for the radio he answered, "Okay…. You're right. The guard was NOT one of our men, his approach was unauthorized. He was a local security man. But now LOOK! I'm TICKED. You pumped a bullet into my leg as I was trying to stop him from getting near you. It hurts like hell and I'm NOT a happy camper here!"

Sounding (and feeling) quite mean and angry, he continued, " You want your demands met.. okay, you're going to have to give. I want TWO hostages released NOW or you can forget it! I'm not playing games anymore. You crossed the wrong cop, Anderson!"

Anderson accurately read Steve's mood and complied with the demand, allowing a mother and her 6 year old to leave the store. They immediately questioned her to gain all possible information, which unfortunately, was of little help.

Steve was still sitting on the ground near the car when Doc showed up, medical bag in hand. Cutting away the pant leg, he removed the blood soaked bandage to examine the wound. Gentle probing (which hurt like heck) and he pronounced that Steve needed to get in the ambulance and to the hospital to have the bullet removed and injury sutured.

Grimacing, Steve replied in a tone of voice that left NO room for argument, "Sorry, Doc, it has to wait. Anderson's working with me. I'm not going to blow it by letting someone else take over." Doc looked seriously at Danny and rolled his eyes. As he was applying a new bandage, he instructed them, "Keep OFF this leg, if it starts to bleed again, COME IN no matter what, Danny, if.. no, WHEN he passes out, send him in… I've be waiting for you Steve." And Steve's mind was already elsewhere, he barely heard the directives.

"Okay, Anderson, that's good…. I'm back on speaking terms with you. Now, look, we're working on your demands, it's going to take some time.

More comments and discussion with him made Steve realize that Anderson's mental state was deteriorating. He was more jumpy, erratic, unbalanced. Steve intuitively sensed he did not have much time left before this all blew up….

"Danno, I'm going to go in, talk with him in person."

"Steve, you're NUTS! He'll kill you…"

"No, I don't think so… there are 4 lives at stake in there, including an 11 year old girl. I think he'll bargain with me, exchange…"

Warily, arrangements were made with Anderson to exchange Steve for 2 hostages, the girl and another woman. The plan was for Steve to move to the door, 30' away. When he was halfway, the hostages would be released. Steve was really hoping for, and expecting to be able to work better with Anderson in person. Plus, he was wearing a wire, so his team would know all that was being said. And he was carrying a small back-up pistol hidden in an ankle holster. Steve was pretty sure Anderson wouldn't find it.

Steve painfully limped halfway, the hostages came out and began to head to safety. And again there was a screw up. Apparently a sharpshooter thought he could (and should) take out Anderson and fired a shot. He hit him, but not fatally with that first shot. Steve lunged for the girl to protect her, Anderson fired on them. His bullet hit her full on in the center of her back, she was dead instantly. Simultaneously, another shot rang out and Anderson also was killed. Shrieking a piercing wail of anguish at her being hit, Steve went down with the girl, knowing he was too late, he had been too far away.

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

Danny rushed to his friend's side, ascertaining that Steve had not been hit (again). Tears poured from his Steve's eyes, as he held the lifeless limp body of the young girl in his arms.

"Danno, NOOO! It's not right! It's not fair! She shouldn't have died! Noooo!"

Steve was in shock. They pried him away from her, got him on a gurney and into an ambulance. He said nothing. No emotion on his face. He was bleeding again from the wound on his leg, he seemed not even to notice. His eyes remained closed during the ride to the hospital, words of reassurance from Danny apparently unheard.

"Steve, it's not your fault. There's nothing you could have done."

"Steve, look at me! Open your eyes."

No response.


	2. Chapter 2 The Hospital

Chapter 2 the Hospital

Doc heard via radio they were on their way in. He met them at the door, glanced at the bloody leg, and scoffed, expectantly and triumphantly," Well, messed it up again, huh?"

Danny's eyes opened wide with horror at the terrible choice of words. Steve's eyes opened and he briefly looked at Doc with an expression of pure, deep, unadulterated raw agony before he let them close again. Danny in a matter of seconds informed Doc of the death of the girl and that Steve felt it was his fault and was taking it very hard. Immediately his demeanor changed to one of profound compassion.

"C'mon, Steve, let's get you up to surgery."

Surgery went well. Doc allowed Danny in the recovery room (he usually didn't). He wanted Steve's aikane to be there when he awoke. Finally, with coaxing, Steve did open his eyes. The dullness was only partly due to the anesthetic. The lethargy had an emotional basis. Steve wouldn't "snap out of it". Vital signs were fine, leg was fine, but he was sinking in his guilt and grief. Evening and night passed, no real change. A few mumbled words in response to questions.

The next day finds Danny in his room, cajoling, "Steve, come on. Let's talk about this. You did everything you could. The best you could. No one knew that would happen. No one expected the sharpshooter to fire. It's NOT your fault."

And ever so quietly, in a defeated voice, "But Danno, if only I had….."

"Had WHAT, STEVE? WHAT? What could you have done to save her life?"

"I dunno, maybe if I had been faster… negotiated better.. paid more attention to something… I dunnno… that girl is dead because I didn't do my job well…"

"STEVE- that's NOT true.."

Danny tried to continue to reason with him, Steve's eyes remained closed, his mind inward. Doc witnessed all this, he too had tried to reasons with Steve to no avail….

Another day passes. Doc and Danny are worried. Steve has made no efforts to get himself released from the hospital (his injury mending nicely), made no inquiries about cases, simply lays quietly in bed.

Alone in bed, a knock on the door announces a visitor.

"Come in." A middle aged woman enters, attractive, but haggard looking.

Steve immediately recognizes her from the photo in the newspaper. Gulping past the lump in his throat, "Mrs. Parker."

The woman looks intently at him, Steve returns the visual embrace. "Mr. McGarrett."

As she begins to explain who she is, he cuts her off, "Mrs. Parker, I know who you are…"

A long pause, more swallowing, trying to begin to speak…

"I am so sorry about your daughter….It was my fault…."

And before HE gets another word out, she cuts HIM off, "Mr. McGarrett, THAT is NONSENSE! You did everything you could to save my Annie. I talked with Mr. Williams and all the officers on the scene. They ALL said you risked your own life to save my daughter, there is nothing more you could have done! I came here to thank you! There is nothing we can do about Annie, she's gone. But WE can go on living. We MUST move on, Mr. McGarrett."

"Mrs. Parker, the bottom line is that I DIDN'T save her. She died. And if I had done something differently, better, she may still be alive today."

Mrs. Parker digested that statement. "PERHAPS, just PERHAPS, that may be true, Mr. McGarrett, we'll never know, will we? I KNOW from eyewitness accounts that you DID your very best, nothing more can be expected…. Again, I want to thank you for what you did."

Silence ensued for several minutes, neither spoke.

"The funeral is tomorrow morning. I needed to see you and talk with you to say thank you, on my behalf and Annie's."

Steve couldn't speak much… "I'm sorry, Mrs. Parker…"

And then a bit more clearly, "May I please come to her funeral tomorrow?"

Startled, "Certainly, that would be nice, if you feel up to it." At the same time she said this, she was eyeing him curiously, trying to figure out if there was anything she could do to help his tormented soul.. It WASN'T his fault… yet she could see, could feel his misplaced guilt. Well, maybe the funeral WOULD help him recover.

That afternoon, when Danny stopped in, Steve was still in his unusual state of quietness, depression, to Danny's disappointment.

"Danno, will you come by in the morning with my black suit and take me to Annie Parker's funeral?"

Quite surprised, he blurted, "Steve, do you think that's a good idea?" Not for physical reasons, but wondering if it was a wise thing for Steve emotionally.

Steve simply replied factually, "I'm going. If you could help me, I'd appreciate it."

"What did Doc say?"

Steve looked at him, puzzled. "About what?"

"About your leaving the hospital, going to the funeral.."

"I didn't ask him." Wondering why Doc should have anything to say about it.

"Okay, Steve, I'll be by early," thinking to himself that Steve WOULDN'T have considered asking Doc for his opinion, much less "permission" to leave the hospital or go to the funeral. He wasn't sure if it was a good idea or not. But knew Steve was adamant, wanted to be there to support his friend if need be. . Danny made a stop at Doc's office apprising him of the situation. Doc sighed with an attitude of let it happen….

Steve spent the evening and night absorbed in thoughts about a little girl he didn't really know named Annie who had died.


	3. Chapter 3 The Healing

Chapter 3 The Healing

The next morning Danno came, Steve stiffly dressed. Doc had come in earlier admonishing Steve to "take it easy" and use a cane, which he refused. Steve had been apprehensive most of the night, and it grew this morning. He wanted to go, he NEEDED to go, but also was terrified to go. To face… what…he wasn't sure… There was no talk on the way to the church. A large crowd of mourners was present. Steve slowly approached the casket and saw the beautiful child. He reached out and touched her cheek as a tear slid down his own and he silently whispered, "I'm sorry, honey…"

The Mass was said, the convoy to the cemetery, then back to the church for lunch. Steve was subdued, quiet the whole time. He almost didn't go back to the church. He didn't know any of these people; he wanted to be alone in his grief and depression. A little girl came up to him and said, "You're coming back to the church for lunch, aren't you?" and skipped away before he answered. Somehow, that question prompted him, almost drove him to return for lunch. He needed to, and was very unsure why he felt so compelled. And uncomfortable with the feeling. But he and Danno went back.

He skipped the lunch line, no desire to eat, no appetite. Danno had spied some folks he knew and excused himself to go over and talk with them. Danny's first thought was not to leave Steve alone, but almost felt himself drawn to his friends, away from Steve. And Steve would be okay, he was just across the room.

And that little girl skipped over to him. She was about 8 years old, pretty, head full of blond curls, nice smile, and bright eyes. "Hello, you're that man who tried to save my sister, aren't you?"

_Oh Lord, __**please….**_

He quietly murmured, "Yes, honey…"

"What's your name? I'm Katie."

"Steve McGarrett."

"Can I sit on your lap?" _**LORD, PLEASE…**_

"Oh, wait a minute, Momma said you got shot in the leg and you're hurt. Which leg? Does it hurt?"

Steve indicated the left leg, "No it doesn't hurt much."

"I'll bet it DID though! Do you have a big hole in your leg?"

Unable to help himself, he chuckled, "Yes it DID hurt, and no, I don't have a big hole in my leg."

"Did they give you lots of shots and things like that in the hospital? I don't like shots!"

Continuing to smile and warm to this child, Steve answered, "Some shots, not too many."

"Well, can I sit on your lap if I am real careful and just sit on this side?" Steve nodded his consent and she carefully climbed up with his help. Now sitting in his lap, his arm around her waist, their faces were pretty close. She had beautiful large round brown eyes and a penetrating gaze. To be honest, Steve was a bit unsettled by it….

"So, my sister was really neat, I really liked her!" A lump formed in Steve's throat, tears sprang to his eyes. In a choking voice, "Katie, I'm so sorry I wasn't able to save your sister."

Katie didn't dismiss his comment, she took in it, seriously studied him. Steve felt intensely scrutinized…

After a minute of this (seemed like ten minutes to Steve), Katie asked in a normal, inquisitive tone of voice, "Mr. McGarrett, do you think it makes any sense that Annie can 'talk' to me now? I don't mean like voices or anything, I mean like somehow I can know what she's thinking, and somehow she can let me know things, things she wants me to know?"

"Yes, Katie, I think things like that can happen."

Somberly, very seriously, she turns those eyes on him, quietly, slowly, asking, "Really?" He knows this is not a trivial little question, and the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

"Yes, Katie."

She spends more minutes studying him, reading his face. He can feel energy flowing between them, in the physical touch of his arms around her waist, her hands on his arms, but also in her eyes, in their mysterious acute stare. Steve felt uneasy, not in control of the situation, unable to move or react, really.

And ever so slowly, "Mr. McGarrett, you think it's your fault Annie died, don't you?"

With a quivering lip, a very quiet, tearful, "Yes, Katie…" came from Steve's mouth.

More silent minutes, Katie mostly looking directly at him, but for seconds looking away a bit, off into space….

"It's not, Mr. McGarrett. It's not your fault. Annie said so. Really. Annie says she doesn't want you to feel bad about it. It's okay."

More silence for a bit. Steve is trying to process this.

And Katie piped up again, "Mr. McGarrett, there's something Annie wants you to do for her. Will you do it? It's like she knows you feel bad, and she doesn't want you to feel bad. But I think Annie thinks if you can 'do' something for her, you'll feel better. Does that make any sense? It kind of does to me…. "

Almost reeling from the things Katie's saying, Steve DOES recognize that often some sort of "retribution" or "sentence" makes a person feel better, relieves guilt.

"Yeah, Katie, it kind of makes sense." He wondered, but was too afraid to ask, exactly WHAT Katie thought Annie wanted of him…. So he just sat with Katie, waiting. Then those big brown eyes turned on him again, and fear crept into Steve. In a way too grown up voice, and with a way too grown up message, Katie solemnly said, "Mr. McGarrett, Annie doesn't want you to feel guilty. She says if you are thinking about feeling guilty, you won't be able to do your job well. She said you're a good cop and a good person, and she wants you to do your job well so more people can be safe in Hawaii and not have bad things happen like what happened to her. And to be a good cop you've got to 'let go' of your guilt. She said it won't be easy, but you can do it. She WANTS you to do it. To do it for her."

_Oh Lord….._

Katie continued to look at Steve, he tried to assimilate what she had asked. No, he knew exactly what she said, what she meant. There was a tingly feeling all around them. Katie seemed not to notice nor be unnerved by it. Steve knew there was something serious happening, for him. Katie waited. Steve didn't say anything. Katie waited, not impatiently. Steve knew what his answer had to be…

Finally, he was able to reply, unsteadily, weakly, he said, "I'll try.."

And Katie kept that stare for a long time. Then she pursued her lips together very tightly for a while before she spoke quite seriously. "No, Mr. McGarrett, that's not good enough."

Startled, taken aback, Steve didn't know what to say…

She continued to look at him minutes longer…

"Mr. McGarrett, you said you'll TRY. That's not good enough. Annie says you can and have to make a choice. That it IS a choice. You can choose to remain with guilt feelings, or you can choose to let them go. If you keep them , you can't do what she wants, to be the best cop. If you want, if you CHOOSE, you CAN let them go, and move on. To TRY is not good enough It's not enough for Annie.."

_Oh LORD!_

Tears brimming in his eyes, almost overflowing… a shaky, quiet, "Okay, Katie … Annie, I WILL do it."

Katie continued to hold his gaze, he couldn't look away if he tried. Finally, she smiled brightly, and said, "You know, Mr. McGarrett, my Momma says it's okay for big people to cry, not just ladies but even men. Annie says it's okay, too."

That did it, the dam broke…the tears flow, freely, copiously, plentiful, cleansing. So cleansing to his tormented spirit. And Katie wrapped her thin little girl arms around his neck and held him tight for a long time, whispering reassurances every now and then in his ear.

Danny had been keeping an eye on his friend from across the room. He had almost gone over when Katie first approached him to stop her from annoying Steve, but something held him back. He watched, and with his tight bond with Steve, he could sense tremendous energy there, good energy. Fear, trepidation, he could feel it and see it in Steve's face, but knew this was a good thing. And then almost wave-like, when the release came, Danny knew it was good, very good….

On the ride home ("Home, Danny, no need to go back to Queens.."), Steve was quiet, but not in a depressed way, more a reflective, meditative mood. Steve had shared what had transpired during his conversation with Katie.

"God, Danno, where'd that kid get her PHD in Psychology? She did me more good than a year with a shrink would have!"

The rest of the drive spent in silence, enjoying the beautiful Hawaiian scenery…

Steve was okay.

The End

And now, from the author, a bit of philosophizing… please read on.


End file.
